This moment feels more nerve-wracking and awkward than any shower session after gym, any bad school play and any invasive questions from Bro in his frequent attempts to be a cool bro you can discuss dick issues with. There’s a very brief, delicate moment of anticipation as he sucks in a breath, he can’t even properly appreciate how adorable she looks when he’s waiting for her to rate his irl dick pic.

“What?” That comes out in a near squeak and it doesn’t go unnoticed by Dave. He visibly cringes, worrying his bottom lip with his teeth for a moment before sputtering at her. “What? No. C’mon, everybody does that. What kind of boy would I be if I gave my virginity to anyone? You aren’t even trading cattle for it, in this day and age that’s pretty damn shifty.” God where is his mouth filters. He’s shifting under her, trying to sit up. “Look, I know you’re an alien so I’m just being a little more lenient. Humans like playing games with each other’s brains, it’s called mindplay. Or mindfucking. It’s how we do foreplay.”

He falls silent as she begins to tug his underwear down, watching with a near vacant expression. “I’ve seen the light.” His voice is decidedly softer, but he apparently could not hold back that brilliant comment.