shenunigans | Skinny derpin'

Skinny derpin'

It's a good few months into the 'Dave doesn't swim' factor of Feferi and Dave's weird rivalry and Dave is pretty sure Feferi has tried to pull every card she has in an attempt to have him fully submerged. It doesn't work, of course. Dave is as protective of his swimming virginity as a nun is with. Well. Her regular virginity? Whatever. Point is he isn't going for it. In fact, as a form of revenge for her relentless bothering, she may just have found him snacking on her goldfish crackers like what up girl I'm eating your snacks. Needless to say, that didn't go down so well.

But it's whatever, right? It's in the past. Though Dave suspects it may not be over yet when he gets a text from Feferi asking him to bring her a towel at an absurd hour of the morning. He had promised he'd make it up to her for the crackers, so he begrudingly heads out to the pool with her stupid fluffy towel. Fuck nocturnal trolls and fuck stupidly pretty troll royalty who trick you into cutting them the sweet end of the deal. At the very least, he gets to see her in her swimsuit, right? Always a boner.

Bonus.

He thought bonus.

The mental goings on of a teenage boy aside, he's made his way to the pool in reasonable time with the towel over his shoulder and he's going to cup his hand over his mouth so he can loudly announce his entrance. Not that anyone but Feferi is around, given that it's 4am but that's beside the point.

"Yo, princess. There's like a million signs telling you not to forget a towel, could you have picked a lamer way to fuck with me?"

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You couldn't be ectobiologically related to Her Imperious Condescension without having a little bit of cunning in you, and that was where Feferi stood-- or swam as the case may be. She could put up with a lot out of a misfortunate human who just didn't know what he was missing out on. But there was a point at which even she drew the line.

No one, no one stole her goldfish crackers.

She watches the edges of the pool from beneath the surface, circling like a shark, wondering if Dave is enough of a suckerfish to fall for her trickery. Almost ready to give up and call it a night, a distorted figure comes into her field of view, and she perks up instantly. She can't really hear the voice that well under water, but there aren't very many who come here at night. At first just her horns poke out of the water, suitable for the Jaws theme to start playing if such a thing could even happen, then the rest of her head and nothing more.

"Hello Dave!" She rehearsed this in her head for quite some time, but now all preparation just flies out the window. "Actually, I found my towel right after I messaged you! Crazy, right? But since you're here and all... are you sure you don't want to join me?"

Rest assured, Dave plays the Jaws theme in his head whenever he's around either of the fish trolls. So really it's perpetually playing, it's sort of maddening, just slightly less maddening than being around the two of them.

Dave narrows his eyes as she rises in the most ominous manner possible, taking a few steps forward without getting too close. He purses his lips, gripping the towel a little tighter out of frustration. Fish trolls, he swears to god.

"This was all just a scheme to get me down here, wasn't it?" He asks, his voice is as flat and bored as possible, but the annoyance is apparent. "Pass."

If only Dave knew. Well he will in a moment, but not yet. Might as well keep up the suspense a little; it's more fun that way.

"Are you sure? I mean you really don't know what you're missing!" She giggles, at what amounts to an injoke with just herself. It's enough to be mildly off-putting, at least, if Dave has paid attention to the variety of glubs she's let off in the time she's known him.

Dave can be smart, calculating and quick witted. He can scheme and he can be subtle when he wants to. Most of the time? He's pretty dense. Especially when it comes to girls, alien girls. Alien girls who are weirdly friendly.

"I think I would know by now." It's water. You get in it and you get all soggy and uncomfortable, who even cares? Not Dave. He does suspect that giggle, but he doesn't really pick up on it. Girls man, always giggling. "You want this towel or not?"

"Okay!" She nods enthusiastically, but instead of making for the edge of the pool, she tilts her head a little and stares at him some more. "But can you bring it here? I don't think I should get out right now."

Trying to keep herself from laughing again, she winds up sputtering and spraying water out in front of her. She is the most majestic fish princess in this whole place. Not that there are that many fish princesses to compete with her.

Edited 2013-05-26 08:05 (UTC)

"You aren't subtle, you know that." He says in a skeptical tone, taking a few steps closer while keeping his eyes on her. It's becoming increasingly obvious that she's naked, but whether he notices or not doesn't seem to change the fact that he's approaching.

He pauses as she sputters and...sprays, slooooowly raising an eyebrow at her so she knows he thinks she's insane. Still, he's holding the towel out to her, but not close enough for her to reach from inside the pool unless she pushes herself up.

"I'm wise to your games now, princess. C'mon, don't get me soggy."

His goading only half-works. The water is shallow enough that she can stand, exposed from the waist-up, and when she does, she crosses her arms over her chest and pouts.

"Don't you know how to play along? I was just trying to have a little fun! Now you ruined it."

That is, in fact, her biggest concern. She's not really too bothered by being exposed-- clothes have never been very high on her list of priorities-- but she is quite troubled by his ever so casual curtailing of the suspense she was working so hard to build up. Perhaps she wasn't really made for this whole trolling thing, not when it came to trolling humans.

Holy shit.

H o l y s h i t.

This is movie shit right here. Dave thought these kind of things only happened in teen movies...whacky teen movies where humans are friends with aliens who like to get naked.

"J-jesus." He cringes as he stutters, taking a step backward. You can just barely see the pink forming on his cheeks as he started getting flustered. He keeps trying to look away but wow he cannot. There is a naked alien lady in front of him and he doesn't know what the fuck to do.

"My bad." Yup. Nice safe.

"That is right mister! It is your bad! Now are you going to bring it here or not?"

It probably isn't going to help the situation much when she unfolds her arms to put her hands on her hips. They enter the water with an audible plunk, and she isn't at all troubled to be more exposed. She knew it would get a rise out of him, but it's nothing for her. She would be tapping her foot in mock impatience too, if she wasn't half submerged. It wouldn't make much of an impression as is.

Dave stares as the arms drop. He just...can't physically not be staring when there are boobs and she doesn't care that there are boobs. At least with the shades he doesn't look as dorky as he feels, but his face is starting to match his shirt.

At this point in time, he isn't going to disobey orders from a nude princess. He nods dumbly, shuffling forward with the towel outstretched, not really sure what would be smooth and cool to say at a point like this.

Yeah. He's just going to vomit out what he's thinking: "Do you always swim naked?"

Feferi reaches for the towel but can't quite getting, waving her hands for him to come in further. It's not her fault her arms (and everything about her) are too short.

"Whenever I can, yes," she explains while she waits for him to dare to get his feet a little wet. "There is less drag and it just feels nice. I thought you would get a kick out of it!"

Okay, a kick is a far stretch from trying to trick him into the pool by way of playing to his teenaged boy-ness.

God, whatever. Dave is just stepping forward. He can't just stand here like an idiot when there is a cute girl naked in front of him. He's at the edge of the pool, but it seems kind of weird to just jump on in when he's wearing all of his clothes.

He shuffles his feet, watching her for a moment before plucking up the courage to just fucking ask her what else he's thinking. "So, like." Wow. He doesn't quite know what he wants to ask here. "Is this the final step in your master plan to get me in there?" Please let it be.

"Yes, that is part of it!" She confesses easily, without a second's hesitation, but she's starting to feel bad for him. This is still also revenge for eating her goldfish crackers, but she doesn't say that out loud. "That and I thought that it would be funny."

Good enough.

"All you have to do is come as far as I am! If you do that and bring me the towel, then we can go dry off somewhere together. How does that sound?"

"Part of it." He lifts that eyebrow again, trying to peel his eyes away so he can get some of his coherency back. It's so much easier to talk like you aren't an ape when you aren't looking at a pretty, naked girl. God, he feels like a sleaze. Particularly when he considers what she's saying and finds it genuinely appealing. God, he's fucked up.

Whatever.

"Is getting naked a prerequisite?" Please say yes.

"No." Sorry Dave, her trickster instincts aren't nearly that refined. But if anyone is messed up here, it would be her-- probably not too surprising, from a troll, but he's not the one baiting her out to the pool in the middle of the night just to try and fluster him with a little wanton nudity.

But she does give him an appraising once over, and considers the idea for a good solid two seconds before she adds, "But you can take your clothes off if you want to, I won't mind."

Well. She wouldn't. Who would? Someone without taste, that's who, because for a human he is pretty damn cute.

"Right." And he immediately takes that to mean 'back off Dave you're a fucking creep'. He knows this because he knows how naked alien trolls in pools work, clearly.

He doesn't miss that appraising look, though he doesn't believe he's getting it at first! It goes straight to his ego and it encourages him to do something that is probably pretty dumb.

He takes off his shirt. Shades remaining intact as he does. The pants are the next to go. He drops them down and steps out of them, nudging them to the side. He knew there was a reason he didn't bother with shoes today. He just fucking knew.

His boxers, however, are staying on it seems. He lowers himself down and hooks his legs over the side of the pool, looking as if he's still not entirely sure about this still. "You owe me big time."

If anyone's creepy here, it's probably the naked troll girl luring unsuspecting human boys into the water with the promise of boobs. That's pretty creepy, for more than one definition of the word. He face brightens up as the shirt comes off, and she fidgets as he ditches the trousers.

"I think I can find a way to pay you back!" She thinks. She's too busy grinning from fin to fin by that point to know. There is no physical way for her to smile any wider, and her cheeks are flushed bright pink. Her fins twitch intermittently, and she's got all the energy of a puppy being taught to heel while a piece of cheese is waved in front of its face.

For some reason despite all of the tricks Feferi pulls on Dave, he still seems to think she's the better of the two. Maybe it's because he has some side issues he needs to work out, but it's mostly just because she's so darn adorable. Her wicked ways still catch him by surprise, somehow. Just goes to show he should listen to Eridan more often.

"Oh yeah?" He can't not read into that.

He pushes himself in slowly, kicking his feet furiously until they're touching the surface and struggling to make sure his face stays above the water. Fuck. This is a bad idea already.

Oh no. Oh no, he's adorable. The effort required not to laugh is too great, but she manages to bite her lip and stifle it at least a little, watching him try to barkbeast paddle through the shallows to get with her. It's simultaneously the most hilarious and most embarrassing thing she has seen in a while, and after a few seconds of watching him struggle at it, she can't keep watching anymore.

"Okay, okay, that's good enough! Please don't drown yourself." Wading in closer, she reaches out to take his hands, trying to get him to stand up. "Maybe we need to have some swimming lessons before you try on your own."

No he is not adorable. He is in peril, he could damn well die. He keeps feeling himself float under and he's trying furiously to keep himself afloat without paddling like some crazy ass duck. The things he does to get close to hot naked chicks, he just hates his goddamn brain and its goddamn priorities.

He seems to flail a bit as she approaches, as if he's worried about what she expects him to do. Hell if he knows what she wants to happen, but he won't let himself fuck it up.

Ah.

Too late for that. Why did this have to be a water thing? He couldn't be more of a weenie right now. He sighs ever so slightly and lets her take his hands, straightening his expression back into a poker face and nodding. "Sounds like a plan, Princess."

Once he's upright, her hands come to rest on his shoulders, and she gives a little squeeze. While she thinks, she gives him another look-over, and for a brief second debates pushing him back into the water because admittedly it was kind of funny. But instead she opts to be benevolent because fish troll or not, it's still a little chilly to be wet and out of the water like this.

"Get out and go put your pants back on, and let's go back to hive where you will be safe." Safe from what she doesn't specify. Drowning? No, more like further humiliation. "We can dry off."

For certain definitions of the phrase. Maybe this overly awkward encounter can be salvaged yet. A terrible plan, an even worse outcome, but there's got to be a way to make it right. Either way, she's already pulling her hands away and procuring her clothes from her sylladex. There never was a real need for a towel, except maybe for her hair, which she wrings out and ties up into a big bundle against her her neck.

He glances out the corner of his eye as she rests her hands on his shoulder, finding the gesture surprisingly comforting considering he almost drowned to get this close to her. It's probably a good thing he has no idea what she's thinking or this might be less of a special moment for him. He leans in a little, wondering if the hands on his shoulders are an indication that she wants to smooch..

..Okay. Maybe not. What's all this about? "Woah, what? Are you telling me I risked my life and we aren't even going to frolic under water or something?" He says like he's capable of frolicking and not flolloping like a dejected mattress in a heavily polluted lake.

Whatever. He pushes himself to the side of the pool and drags himself out of it in a manner that heavily resembles the grudge. It's highly unflattering, but it seems worth it for the view he can get of Feferi. God damn, she has no right looking like a water goddess when he looks like a swamp monster.

"Dave." She shoots him a look of the utmost pity, trying to smile encouragingly through it and not quite succeeding. "Watching you try to swim was kind of scary! Like if I blink you would slip under the waves. I would feel much better doing swimming lessons if you had some kind of flotation device, but really I am happy now. I just wanted to see you get in the pool to prove it wouldn't kill you!"

Fussing with her hair some more and tightening the knot on her sarong, she finally gets herself mostly presentable, though despite being a fish troll, the damp clothes clinging to her skin is kind of a bother. She's never liked the in-between when drying off.

"Anyway, wouldn't you rather go back to your respiteblock and fool around instead of flailing around in the water like a barkbeast? I've been frolicking in the water all day! It's time for something different, and I owe you now anyway!"

Her look of pity is met with the flattest expression Dave can muster, overall it looks pretty depressing because he’s hunched over the side of the pool looking wet and miserable like the failure he is. “At least now you know I was legit when I said me and water aren’t simpatico.” He gives her a knowing look through his shades, hoping she knows he’s never going to touch water again for at least a few months. Showers are overrated, he can just wear cologne forever, right?

He shrugs at her as she speaks, giving his hair a quick ruffle with the towel before deciding he can’t be fucked with the tiresome activity of getting dry. He drags his clothes on, regretting the choice straight away. Nothing feels more uncomfortable than dry clothes on a wet body. Well. Nothing other than this entire situation, really! He doesn’t think it’s possible to feel any lamer than he does.

He pushes himself up to stand next to Feferi once she seems to be gravitating around the pool, nodding sharply as she makes ALL of the implications. For what feels like the millionth time today, his cheeks are heating a little and his cool is very hard to keep as he folds his arms over his chest and shrugs almost violently. He is the most chill, the most calm, just look at that shrug.

“I dunno- it’s not like you’re obligated to fool around with me just cuz I made a douchelord out of myself.” Another shrug. “I mean if you wanna that’s cool but I’m not going to force it on you like some mouth breathing fedora wearing jackass.” Because macking sessions that aren’t mutually desired are just lame as fuck. “You don’t owe me, just trust me when I say I don’t do the water thing and won’t be ever again.”

Oh no, is this the sound of rejection? It sounds like rejection to Feferi, and the corners of her lips twitch but she smiles through it. Especially because she can't help but think how endearingly sad it is how waterlogged he looks and how much she really, really wants to make him feel better about it. Lesson learned, she still is not ready for actively trying to antagonize people. Maybe she'll never be ready.

Now unsure of herself, she stands with her feet planted and her arms crossed over her chest, trying to not make eye contact-- which, thankfully, given the sunglasses glued to his face permanently, isn't hard. It's a rare occasion for her to be dumbstruck, but she is. She wants so much to say the right thing and make this conversation less awkward, but it's hard and she's not used to feeling guilty, but maybe she does a little.

Maybe she really just messed this one up big time, like the biggest suckerfish out there.

"I do want to!" She blurts it out, a lot less gracefully and a lot more desperately than she would have liked, but keeps rolling with it anyway. "I do want to go do stuff, and I do trust you. And I didn't mean to make you think you looked stupid, because you didn't, it was really cute, but I don't want you to get hurt! I like you a lot and I don't want really that."

And because it comes out more serious than she would have liked, she perks hersel back up with her smile a bright as ever. "And yes, I like you even if you steal my crackers and won't ever go swimming with me."

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