shenunigans | Skinny derpin'

Skinny derpin'

It's a good few months into the 'Dave doesn't swim' factor of Feferi and Dave's weird rivalry and Dave is pretty sure Feferi has tried to pull every card she has in an attempt to have him fully submerged. It doesn't work, of course. Dave is as protective of his swimming virginity as a nun is with. Well. Her regular virginity? Whatever. Point is he isn't going for it. In fact, as a form of revenge for her relentless bothering, she may just have found him snacking on her goldfish crackers like what up girl I'm eating your snacks. Needless to say, that didn't go down so well.

But it's whatever, right? It's in the past. Though Dave suspects it may not be over yet when he gets a text from Feferi asking him to bring her a towel at an absurd hour of the morning. He had promised he'd make it up to her for the crackers, so he begrudingly heads out to the pool with her stupid fluffy towel. Fuck nocturnal trolls and fuck stupidly pretty troll royalty who trick you into cutting them the sweet end of the deal. At the very least, he gets to see her in her swimsuit, right? Always a boner.

Bonus.

He thought bonus.

The mental goings on of a teenage boy aside, he's made his way to the pool in reasonable time with the towel over his shoulder and he's going to cup his hand over his mouth so he can loudly announce his entrance. Not that anyone but Feferi is around, given that it's 4am but that's beside the point.

"Yo, princess. There's like a million signs telling you not to forget a towel, could you have picked a lamer way to fuck with me?"

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"Yes, that is part of it!" She confesses easily, without a second's hesitation, but she's starting to feel bad for him. This is still also revenge for eating her goldfish crackers, but she doesn't say that out loud. "That and I thought that it would be funny."

Good enough.

"All you have to do is come as far as I am! If you do that and bring me the towel, then we can go dry off somewhere together. How does that sound?"

"Part of it." He lifts that eyebrow again, trying to peel his eyes away so he can get some of his coherency back. It's so much easier to talk like you aren't an ape when you aren't looking at a pretty, naked girl. God, he feels like a sleaze. Particularly when he considers what she's saying and finds it genuinely appealing. God, he's fucked up.

Whatever.

"Is getting naked a prerequisite?" Please say yes.

"No." Sorry Dave, her trickster instincts aren't nearly that refined. But if anyone is messed up here, it would be her-- probably not too surprising, from a troll, but he's not the one baiting her out to the pool in the middle of the night just to try and fluster him with a little wanton nudity.

But she does give him an appraising once over, and considers the idea for a good solid two seconds before she adds, "But you can take your clothes off if you want to, I won't mind."

Well. She wouldn't. Who would? Someone without taste, that's who, because for a human he is pretty damn cute.

"Right." And he immediately takes that to mean 'back off Dave you're a fucking creep'. He knows this because he knows how naked alien trolls in pools work, clearly.

He doesn't miss that appraising look, though he doesn't believe he's getting it at first! It goes straight to his ego and it encourages him to do something that is probably pretty dumb.

He takes off his shirt. Shades remaining intact as he does. The pants are the next to go. He drops them down and steps out of them, nudging them to the side. He knew there was a reason he didn't bother with shoes today. He just fucking knew.

His boxers, however, are staying on it seems. He lowers himself down and hooks his legs over the side of the pool, looking as if he's still not entirely sure about this still. "You owe me big time."

If anyone's creepy here, it's probably the naked troll girl luring unsuspecting human boys into the water with the promise of boobs. That's pretty creepy, for more than one definition of the word. He face brightens up as the shirt comes off, and she fidgets as he ditches the trousers.

"I think I can find a way to pay you back!" She thinks. She's too busy grinning from fin to fin by that point to know. There is no physical way for her to smile any wider, and her cheeks are flushed bright pink. Her fins twitch intermittently, and she's got all the energy of a puppy being taught to heel while a piece of cheese is waved in front of its face.

For some reason despite all of the tricks Feferi pulls on Dave, he still seems to think she's the better of the two. Maybe it's because he has some side issues he needs to work out, but it's mostly just because she's so darn adorable. Her wicked ways still catch him by surprise, somehow. Just goes to show he should listen to Eridan more often.

"Oh yeah?" He can't not read into that.

He pushes himself in slowly, kicking his feet furiously until they're touching the surface and struggling to make sure his face stays above the water. Fuck. This is a bad idea already.

Oh no. Oh no, he's adorable. The effort required not to laugh is too great, but she manages to bite her lip and stifle it at least a little, watching him try to barkbeast paddle through the shallows to get with her. It's simultaneously the most hilarious and most embarrassing thing she has seen in a while, and after a few seconds of watching him struggle at it, she can't keep watching anymore.

"Okay, okay, that's good enough! Please don't drown yourself." Wading in closer, she reaches out to take his hands, trying to get him to stand up. "Maybe we need to have some swimming lessons before you try on your own."

No he is not adorable. He is in peril, he could damn well die. He keeps feeling himself float under and he's trying furiously to keep himself afloat without paddling like some crazy ass duck. The things he does to get close to hot naked chicks, he just hates his goddamn brain and its goddamn priorities.

He seems to flail a bit as she approaches, as if he's worried about what she expects him to do. Hell if he knows what she wants to happen, but he won't let himself fuck it up.

Ah.

Too late for that. Why did this have to be a water thing? He couldn't be more of a weenie right now. He sighs ever so slightly and lets her take his hands, straightening his expression back into a poker face and nodding. "Sounds like a plan, Princess."

Once he's upright, her hands come to rest on his shoulders, and she gives a little squeeze. While she thinks, she gives him another look-over, and for a brief second debates pushing him back into the water because admittedly it was kind of funny. But instead she opts to be benevolent because fish troll or not, it's still a little chilly to be wet and out of the water like this.

"Get out and go put your pants back on, and let's go back to hive where you will be safe." Safe from what she doesn't specify. Drowning? No, more like further humiliation. "We can dry off."

For certain definitions of the phrase. Maybe this overly awkward encounter can be salvaged yet. A terrible plan, an even worse outcome, but there's got to be a way to make it right. Either way, she's already pulling her hands away and procuring her clothes from her sylladex. There never was a real need for a towel, except maybe for her hair, which she wrings out and ties up into a big bundle against her her neck.

He glances out the corner of his eye as she rests her hands on his shoulder, finding the gesture surprisingly comforting considering he almost drowned to get this close to her. It's probably a good thing he has no idea what she's thinking or this might be less of a special moment for him. He leans in a little, wondering if the hands on his shoulders are an indication that she wants to smooch..

..Okay. Maybe not. What's all this about? "Woah, what? Are you telling me I risked my life and we aren't even going to frolic under water or something?" He says like he's capable of frolicking and not flolloping like a dejected mattress in a heavily polluted lake.

Whatever. He pushes himself to the side of the pool and drags himself out of it in a manner that heavily resembles the grudge. It's highly unflattering, but it seems worth it for the view he can get of Feferi. God damn, she has no right looking like a water goddess when he looks like a swamp monster.

"Dave." She shoots him a look of the utmost pity, trying to smile encouragingly through it and not quite succeeding. "Watching you try to swim was kind of scary! Like if I blink you would slip under the waves. I would feel much better doing swimming lessons if you had some kind of flotation device, but really I am happy now. I just wanted to see you get in the pool to prove it wouldn't kill you!"

Fussing with her hair some more and tightening the knot on her sarong, she finally gets herself mostly presentable, though despite being a fish troll, the damp clothes clinging to her skin is kind of a bother. She's never liked the in-between when drying off.

"Anyway, wouldn't you rather go back to your respiteblock and fool around instead of flailing around in the water like a barkbeast? I've been frolicking in the water all day! It's time for something different, and I owe you now anyway!"

Her look of pity is met with the flattest expression Dave can muster, overall it looks pretty depressing because he’s hunched over the side of the pool looking wet and miserable like the failure he is. “At least now you know I was legit when I said me and water aren’t simpatico.” He gives her a knowing look through his shades, hoping she knows he’s never going to touch water again for at least a few months. Showers are overrated, he can just wear cologne forever, right?

He shrugs at her as she speaks, giving his hair a quick ruffle with the towel before deciding he can’t be fucked with the tiresome activity of getting dry. He drags his clothes on, regretting the choice straight away. Nothing feels more uncomfortable than dry clothes on a wet body. Well. Nothing other than this entire situation, really! He doesn’t think it’s possible to feel any lamer than he does.

He pushes himself up to stand next to Feferi once she seems to be gravitating around the pool, nodding sharply as she makes ALL of the implications. For what feels like the millionth time today, his cheeks are heating a little and his cool is very hard to keep as he folds his arms over his chest and shrugs almost violently. He is the most chill, the most calm, just look at that shrug.

“I dunno- it’s not like you’re obligated to fool around with me just cuz I made a douchelord out of myself.” Another shrug. “I mean if you wanna that’s cool but I’m not going to force it on you like some mouth breathing fedora wearing jackass.” Because macking sessions that aren’t mutually desired are just lame as fuck. “You don’t owe me, just trust me when I say I don’t do the water thing and won’t be ever again.”

Oh no, is this the sound of rejection? It sounds like rejection to Feferi, and the corners of her lips twitch but she smiles through it. Especially because she can't help but think how endearingly sad it is how waterlogged he looks and how much she really, really wants to make him feel better about it. Lesson learned, she still is not ready for actively trying to antagonize people. Maybe she'll never be ready.

Now unsure of herself, she stands with her feet planted and her arms crossed over her chest, trying to not make eye contact-- which, thankfully, given the sunglasses glued to his face permanently, isn't hard. It's a rare occasion for her to be dumbstruck, but she is. She wants so much to say the right thing and make this conversation less awkward, but it's hard and she's not used to feeling guilty, but maybe she does a little.

Maybe she really just messed this one up big time, like the biggest suckerfish out there.

"I do want to!" She blurts it out, a lot less gracefully and a lot more desperately than she would have liked, but keeps rolling with it anyway. "I do want to go do stuff, and I do trust you. And I didn't mean to make you think you looked stupid, because you didn't, it was really cute, but I don't want you to get hurt! I like you a lot and I don't want really that."

And because it comes out more serious than she would have liked, she perks hersel back up with her smile a bright as ever. "And yes, I like you even if you steal my crackers and won't ever go swimming with me."

Now Dave is the one feeling like the fuck up. Assuming she’d do that with him out of guilt? That was pretty sick of him to assume. Feferi is way more self assured than he is, why the fuck would she think that was a good idea. God, he feels fucking dumb and mad at himself for underselling her like that. She’s still smiling though, right? She can’t be too upset by it? The more he scrutinizes the look, the more it looks a little…forced. Especially when she changes he stance from something confident to something more unsure, something more like his usual posture. He narrows his eyes behind his shades, and then it sort of clicks. The smile is to her what her shades are to him, if you neglect to consider the fact that his shades were presented to him by his Egbertian compadre. The important similarity is that they’re both something they hide behind and the fact of the matter is that she’s hiding something from him right now.

He doesn’t know what it is about Feferi, but he just feels compelled to impress her and bother her as much as he can. Whether bothering her means teasing her or just weaseling his way into her schedule whenever possible varies from mood to mood, but what remains consistent is her and the fact that it’s almost always her or Eridan that he feels drawn to. Maybe a lack of humans is driving him to explore new options, or maybe he’s just found solidarity in them somehow. At first he thought he might just find her hot, but as it’s gone on he’s found himself feeling a little more connected to her than just being attracted to the way she looks. She’s fun, she coddles him and he feels a strange sense of respect from her despite knowing she thinks he’s a cute, squishy human. He can’t really explain what his thoughts are at this point, but he knows he wants her to stop making that face.

“Just…”Just what? How the fuck do you patch that up? Why is she acting like she needs to fix this. God damn he’s awful. “Just forget what I said, alright? That was an asshole thing to say and I didn’t mean it like that. I just.. I dunno. I’m not good at this, alright? Let’s just make it easy.” Except making it easy is hard and he’s going red at the idea of fooling around with her. He’s starting to think he needs to close the gap between them, so he shuffles himself forward and bumps his shoulder gently against hers whilst forcing a smile for her sake. “You really want to do “stuff” with me?” The smile fades a little as he realizes stuff could mean anything at this point. He’s getting redder and redder until he’s time tier red.

“You meant like macking on each other, right?” The uncertainty is clear in his voice and he moves away so their shoulders aren’t touching. He’s dreading the answer at this point, he’s already made himself look like a super chump today, he doesn’t want to add to that shameful sensation. He’s quietly praying she meat it, but he’s getting less sure of it the more he thinks over their conversation.

So he wasn't rejecting her? That's a huge relief. The effect is almost instantaneous. She relaxes and lets her arms slacken.

"Macking?" That gets a real laugh and a real smile out of her, and she shakes her head, giving him an amusedly perplexed looking. "Dave, I have no idea what that even means!"

Human slang. She will never entirely get it. But the fact that he got in close then moved away again just poses a challenge to her that she has to meet, so she does the same, shuffling until their shoulders touch again. It's high time they stopped being stupid and awkward about this and acknowledged the reality here. Every time she thinks about him, her aquatic vascular system flutters, and he might not know it, but she tries to make sure there's always room for him in whatever she does. They've flirted. They've kissed. They've watched human seadweller movies together. That's pretty serious right there.

"I meant like... we go back to the hive, and we do whatever we want to," she explains... though it's not much of an explanation. She's worried that if she's too explicit, he might just get scared and run off or something, but maybe she needs to give him a little more credit than that. He's certainly not as guarded around her as he used to be, even if she feels like she's still missing out on some integral facet to him. This might be her chance to find out. "Maybe just kissing, or... or touching! Or more than that. Whatever feels right at the time. Whatever you are willing to do!"

Feferi has never been a very reserved person, and heck, she was just as nude as the day she was hatched in front of him! But somehow that was different. That's just a body, nothing more or less. But the kind of intimacy she's hinting at, it's a big thing for her. It's not that she's ashamed, or even scared, but nervous, and it manifests in her wavering ability to look at him without going entirely pink.

The tension is slowly easing from the situation, and it feels good. Dave can feel himself relaxing just a little again, though the way she laughs at his question has him a little worried. Way to go use the dumbest word for kissing ever invented, good fucking job.

A smile briefly crosses his lips as their shoulders touch and he bumps her back with more enthusiasm. He isn't getting a no out of anything, and her demeanor is reassuring, it keeps getting better.

"I got that." He retorts, not wanting her to think he's too stupid to figure that out. "It's...kind of what macking means, I guess." He shrugs, wow, just gonna brush more against your shoulder there. "Glad we're on the same page, though." He half smiles again, winding his hand down to veeeery carefully take her hand as loosely as possible.

"I'm willing to head back to one of our rooms." Like. Straight away. As fast as possible.

Loose hand holding? Feferi is having none of that, and grips his hand tightly to try and pull him along.

"Then let's go!"

And she'll hurry as fast as she can, as fast as he lets her, leading the way the entire time because she would sprint there if she could. That's just part of being Feferi: boundless amounts of energy and a exuberant impatience. Every so often she glances behind her to make sure that he's still following, despite the fact that she doesn't let go of his hand. As far as she knows, the hard part is over. Heck, nothing could be harder than getting Dave to go swimming.

Finally, at long last, she relinquishes her death grip on his hand when they reach the hive. Mostly so she can open the door, but they're so close there's no reason to pull him along anymore. She bounds down the hall and up the stairs, and stops to turn to him when she reaches her block door.

"You go on, I'll meet you in your block in a few minutes. Okay?"

The important thing is that Dave made a conscious effort to acknowledge the intimate moment and actually make a move, his ancestors would be so fucking proud. He doesn't protest at the tightness, he just lets his hand hang like he's a glorified balloon.

Ever unable to show eagerness, Dave allows himself to hang back as Feferi walks ahead. He's feeling just as enthusiastic about Feferi, but he's keeping it on the low down. He's happy to let her drag him along, and he's even more glad there's nobody here to judge him for dripping water all over the place like the sad soggy sponge he is.

Once they're finally back at their sick pad and Feferi finally finishes bounding around, Dave gives his hair a quick shake out and uses his now free hands to straighten it out. He raises an eyebrow at the request, but he isn't going to question it.

"A few minutes, got it. Don't push it though, I'm a knight of time. I'm kind of an authority on this shit." He taps his wrist where a watch should be before giving her the 'I'm watching you' symbol, slinking off to his own room.

He's so silly. She just laughs then ducks into her bedazzled door. She needs a moment to collect herself, only for the best of reasons. She's all jittery and hyped up in anticipation, so she takes her five minutes to calm herself down and dry out her hair, then gets herself ready to make her way to his respiteblock.

When she finally shows up at the door, pushing it open with only a small knock, she's changed. Like actually, physically changed her clothes, into pajamas of the thin-strapped tank top and short-shorts variety. Her hair is braided down her back, and she's managed to get most of the jitters out, even if she's still grinning stupidly in excitement.

"Did I make it on time?"

Once he's turned away from the door, Dave is going to let himself smile like the smug bastard he is. Just for a moment, anyway. He then proceeds to dawdle off to his room, opening the door to reveal the shrine to teenage boyhood that it is. He's not entirely sure it's at a princess inspection standard, so he spends most of his time alone trying to discreetly shuffle all of the crap around so it resembles neatness.

Once that's done, he's decidedly unbothered by his damp clothing. He doesn't want to chance her bursting in all excited while he's trying to switch outfits. Instead, he's going to flop backward onto his bed and squint at the ceiling.

When she knocks? He forces himself to remain still, but he calls out 'yo' to let her know he's oh so available. He chuckles at the question, casting a glance to his bedside clock without really acknowledging what it says.

"I can let it slide this time." He pushes himself up into a sitting position. "You look good with your hair like that." Just putting that out there.

That the first thing he comments on is her hair just sets her into a fit of giggles as she makes her way to the bed and slides down next to him. She wasn't really expecting that, but it's charming, as if she needs any more charming. She's already sliding her arms around his neck and pressing her forhead to his temple.

"I thought it would be... easier." There's nothing more awkward than having your hair basically swallow your makeout partner, not to mention getting hair in your mouth. The pain of being beautiful. She's a little dejected to see that he didn't bother drying off, but it could just be another opportunity. "You didn't change? We should fix that."

She is just on a roll tonight.

The giggle is a pretty satisfying reaction for Dave. Clearly he's saying something right if he can get a girl to devolve into giggles and it's not at all because Feferi is a bubbly kind of girl. It definitely eases the mood some, but there's not much time to think about that. Damn, this girl moves fast.

His face is doing that thing where it looks way too happy again, but it's hard not to smile around Feferi. She makes cheer kind of infectious. Unlike her, he's kind of uncertain about what to do with his hands. He eventually concludes that resting on on her thigh seems like his best bet and of course it feels pretty damn good to have it there.

Once again, she ups the ante on him. She's sly, damn it. Dave is so out of his depth again, but he's going to force a smug look and tug at the collar of his shirt with a finger. "Nothing wrong with a little damp." He has no idea why he said that. "You really want me back out of my clothes?" Or why he asked that, to be honest. Feferi take the wheel.

"Yes, I want that very much!" She lays a quick peck on his cheek, just for emphasis. "I think you should do that right now."

She doesn't really want to let go of him though, and it's hard to detach herself. Not wholly because she's feeling particularly amorous, though that is part of it, but also simply because he's so much warmer than she is and she likes clinging to that. But it is for the great good that she lets him free and sits back on her heels on the bed, hands folded in her lap, and watching him expectantly. She's ready for her strip tease now, Mr. Strider.

"You make a convincing argument."

Yeah, because Feferi really needs to say anything more to get him out of his clothes at this point. The kiss seals the deal and he pulls away as she scoots off him. He's noticed the temperature difference by now, but he finds it oddly refreshing.

He eyes her for a moment, considering just how he wants to go about this. Somehow, standing up to strip seems a little bit too much for him. As Feferi should have expected, he's sort of unceremonious about rolling his shirt up and tossing it to the side. He adjusts his shades, but he doesn't remove them, it doesn't even occur to him that he should. Instead, he's just going to start working on wiggling out of his pants while keeping his boxers up.

It may not be very graceful, but it is intriguing for her, though she is a little disappointed that the sunglasses don't come off. This is finally her chance to see his eyes without the shades, and she's not going to pass it up, but she lets him continue... at least until he starts struggling.

"Do you need some help?" Her idea of helping is to crawl her way behind him, loosely hug him about the waist, and rest her chin on his shoulder. It's not very helpful at all. "This seemed easier before."

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