shenunigans | Skinny derpin'

Skinny derpin'

It's a good few months into the 'Dave doesn't swim' factor of Feferi and Dave's weird rivalry and Dave is pretty sure Feferi has tried to pull every card she has in an attempt to have him fully submerged. It doesn't work, of course. Dave is as protective of his swimming virginity as a nun is with. Well. Her regular virginity? Whatever. Point is he isn't going for it. In fact, as a form of revenge for her relentless bothering, she may just have found him snacking on her goldfish crackers like what up girl I'm eating your snacks. Needless to say, that didn't go down so well.

But it's whatever, right? It's in the past. Though Dave suspects it may not be over yet when he gets a text from Feferi asking him to bring her a towel at an absurd hour of the morning. He had promised he'd make it up to her for the crackers, so he begrudingly heads out to the pool with her stupid fluffy towel. Fuck nocturnal trolls and fuck stupidly pretty troll royalty who trick you into cutting them the sweet end of the deal. At the very least, he gets to see her in her swimsuit, right? Always a boner.

Bonus.

He thought bonus.

The mental goings on of a teenage boy aside, he's made his way to the pool in reasonable time with the towel over his shoulder and he's going to cup his hand over his mouth so he can loudly announce his entrance. Not that anyone but Feferi is around, given that it's 4am but that's beside the point.

"Yo, princess. There's like a million signs telling you not to forget a towel, could you have picked a lamer way to fuck with me?"

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The shades are really the only thing he has to prevent him from feeling like a vulnerable nerd stripping down in the locker rooms. Her eagerness is promising, at least. He figures it'd be hard to disappoint her, but cockiness is harder to fake than he ever thought it would be. At least he can kind of fake the cool, right? Yeah. He can be super slick once he wiggles out of these fucking pants.

Actually, playing it cool is a little difficult when she does that, but he's starting to get used to her hands on approach to everything. He lets out a soft laugh, hiding the fact that her hands on him has his breath hitching.

"Seems like you're the expert then." He stops wiggling, trying to go with the flow here. "Go nuts." That was the worst possible phrase to use.

Maybe it would be easier for him if he learned to embrace his dorkiness, like she does. She's pretty sure she doesn't know what to do, and that she's insanely nervous, but that's all part of the fun. Who wants to be perfect all the time? She can totally tell he wants to let go and enjoy himself too. She just has to keep at it. One way or another, she is going to get him to open up to her.

"Okay, I will." It was an invitation after all, so she slips off the bed and kneels down by his feet, grabbing at the bottom hem of his pants to give them a forceful tug. He's on his own on the underwear front, with as little sense of grace she has in undressing other people. It's not like she does it all that frequently... or ever.

No. He's cool. He will never embrace the dorkiness because he can't embrace what isn't there. Or at least, if he tries really hard to pretend he isn't a nerd chances are one day he'll wake up and just stop being one. It works in the movies and he's sure it'll work for him.

But hey- he's gotta be pretty cool if Feferi digs him, right? It's not like she'd be attracted to him because he's a huge dork. No way.

There's no way he's not turning red once she's pulling at his pants. He's just praying he doesn't pop a preemptive boner because that is guaranteed to freak her the fuck out.

"For a chick who wears skirts all the time you're pretty damn good at this." He only pays the highest compliments after all. He's going to start wiggling his legs up and down idly while watching her. "Whatcha doin' there, princess?"

"I am taking off your pants, what does it look like!" The wiggling isn't helping, but she managed to get them free-- and in the process of her last tug, she winds up falling backwards onto her bottom. "...oops."

Flushing pink, because that wasn't her most graceful move in the universe, she folds his pants and sets them aside on the floor before she gets to her feet. She reclaims her seat on the bed, sliding back down next to him, and letting a hand fall on his thigh all too casually.

"Well, at least they're off now, right?"

"It looks like you're doing one hell of a job down there." Seriously, girl. How hard is it? If she doesn't stop screwing around down there he's gonna....probably stay here and deal with it like a chump. But he likes to imagine he'd have the guts to smooch her.

"Nice one." He compliments her ever so sincerely as she falls backward, smirking down at her her silly pink face. He watches her move until she finally sits back down next to him. Hey! At least he isn't flinching every time she puts a hand somewhere mildly inappropriate? In fact, he thinks it's time he tried the same. His first thought is to go for a boob, but that seems kind of forward and he doesn't want her to think he's only in it for the boob. So. He's going to put his hand on her thigh too, giving it just a bit of a squeeze.

"Yeah, you got that done and dusted." Which means she's super interested. Right. He isn't going to make an ass of himself if he just.. leans in and kisses her, right? He's trying to think of a suave way to ask, but apparently for the first time in his awkward, Strider life he's decided to take that initiative and lean in so their lips are just barely touching. He doesn't have a line for this either, so he's going to give her thigh another squeeze instead.

Now that's what she's all about. It takes effort not to tackle him over onto the bed and give him a real kiss, but she's got to pace herself. There's no rush, she should be relaxing and enjoying herself. Relax. Let it happen. Let him take his time. Not everyone can be as permanently enthusiastic as she is. Plus, she's supposed to be making amends for making him feel so bad. If she lets him take the lead, maybe it'll be a boost for his confidence.

But she does move her hand over his, reassuring him as she shifts herself, turning her body to be a little more conducive to kissing. Crawling into his lap would probably be a little too much, but she compromises and drapes her legs over hers, slinking and arm around his shoulders to steady herself. It's an invitation for him to make another move-- when he wants to.

We all know Dave wouldn't mind one bit if Feferi tackled him down for smooches, but maybe that's the kind of shit they can save for later. It's already pretty damn established that she's the one making the moves here, but the push for Dave to make his own move is encouraging. He's worked past the most awkward parts of admitting he digs her and then getting his pants taken off, this is the easy part. Hell. This is the good part.

When she drapes her legs over, he slides his hand up her thigh and overestimates the space between them. He lets out a grunt as their noses boop together, causing his shades to slip from the motion. Generally he'd be deterred, but it's kind of hard to make excuses not kiss a fish princess when she's sitting right in front of her.

"I’m just going to close my eyes and start biting the air, aight?" Which is half true, because he does close his eyes. Fortunately, he doesn't bite at her so much as he just shifts forward and presses their lips together whilst moving his hand up to rest on her waist.

Nose boops. It's too cute, even for Feferi, even if it's on accident, and she giggles accordingly. His terrible attempt at a pick up line, however... why he even bothers when she is practically sitting in his lap is beyond her, but it's just terrible enough that she rolls her eyes. She's not nearly witty to come up with a comeback though, which is fine because before she can even say anything else, they're kissing again and it's wonderful.

Now in a much better position and getting comfortable with her arm around him, she takes the opportunity as their lips are locked to reach up and pluck at his glasses. Her immediate goal in life is to do away with them, and now just seems like the appropriate time to take them off. She never gets to see his eyes and she really wants to. She's baffled as to why he hides behind the shades all the time, but she's never questioned it too hard before.

The giggle is too fucking cute to feel mad over, but it does bring some red back into those cheeks. Just after he was getting cooler, too. The effect she has on him is frustrating, to say the least.

He doesn't fight it much when she takes off his shades, he figures she's earnt the immense privilege that taking them off is. That said, his eyes are staying pretty firmly shut as he moves into this kiss. He figures it's kind of awkward to gawk at her while they're smooching.

Now that he's gaining confidence, he isn't apprehensive about sliding his hand a little ways down and letting it rest on her booty. She got his shades, it's equivalent exchange! Even if her ass is one of the finest he's ever scoped and, let's face it, it feels as good as it looks. Totally. Equal.

Now that she has the glasses-- she doesn't actually know what to do with them. So she just holds onto them, and wiggles a little as his hands comes to rest on her backside, but just kisses him even more earnestly for it. It's a good thing she's distracted too; no time for eye gazing when there are smooches to be had.

At least until she gets an idea.

"Wait." Pulling back completely, she holds out her hand to stop him. Despite halting him and their macking session so tersely, she's still grinning like a wild troll, even more so when she puts the shades on herself. "Okay, who do I look like now?"

She struggles to pull a duckface, and she falters a few times while trying not to laugh. She can't imagine wearing these things full time, they make everything so dark.

He takes the kissing as a reward for his efforts and an indication that she doesn't mind a little booty love. He lets out a short chuckle against her lips, letting the confidence urge him to give her a soft squeeze. Damn, it's every bit as good as he thought it would feel and more.

When she speaks, he can't help looking a little unnerved. Did he squeeze too hard? Did she change her mind? Shit. He probably looks like a chump right now and without his fucking shades his apprehension is all out in the open! And he was being so good at being subtle..

He narrows his eyes, finding the grin comforting but all to suspicious given her nature. Her impression earns her a flat look coupled with some tightly pursed lips.

"The change is so dramatic I wouldn't know where to start."

Whatever, he's going to just lean in again in the hopes that the kissing starts to happen more. "Where do you get off being so fucking cute?"

"I was just hatched this way, I can't help it!"

But no, no kissing yet. She takes the opportunity to re-position herself again, now that she's got enough of a break to do it. Swinging her leg around, she straddles herself across his lap and loops her arm around his neck. Now it can be kissing time again, and kissing time it is as she ducks her head in.

You were hatched pretty damn close to perfect, he thinks, but he can't bring himself to say a line that corny.

"I always forget you guys are hatched." Is what he supplements with, because he is a master of foreplay and other such things. He happily watches as she makes herself comfortable in his lap and he has absolutely no objections to it. He winds his own arms around her waist, and leans up into the kiss.

If the first time was good? The second time is even better. He can appreciate the more subtle aspects of the kiss like the way she tastes and how goddamn soft her lips are. He has no idea how he managed to pull a babe like her but he's not going to let himself fuck it up now. In a daring move, he's going to ease his tongue against her bottom lip and see how it goes down.

It's probably better, she wouldn't even know how to reply to that. Being witty just isn't her game, and she probably would have just laughed some more and blushed a whole lot and been more awkward about it than she cares to admit. Instead she just gets to kiss him again.

His little tongue maneuver is received well; her lips part, inviting more. She wants so bad to return the gesture, but holds back. There have been issues in the past regarding her getting a little overzealous and her teeth making things less than pleasant, so she has to be content to let him take the lead on this one.

Dave has considered the implications of daringly sticking his tongue in her mouth again. He is more than ready for this, hell, he can work it.

He does take the lead, slipping his tongue past her lips and letting it juuuust graze against her chompers. It serves both as a frame of reference so he knows just where he's lurching his mouth meat and as proof that he's tough as fuck. With that out of the way, he's more confident in brushing his tongue against hers, trying to let her know she can be as zealous as she wants.

His hands, in the meantime, are idly searching for hers so he can give them some meaningful squeezes. He doesn't want her to think he's only in it for the booty!!

Possibly not the smoothest move when Feferi is a girl who goes from 0 to 100 in two-point-five seconds. She tries so hard not to, but his tongue brushing against hers, and their fingers lacing together drives her wild. Her tongue pushes against his, and she's ever so mindful of the teeth too, and it only takes a few seconds of that before she pushes him backwards onto the bed. Gently, of course, with her hands still in his, so that she's quiet nearly on all fours, and if she breaks the kiss it's only momentarily thanks to a lack of coordination. It's not like she's practiced for this or anything.

She doesn't bank on her fins failing to hold up his glasses, though, and as she goes back in to tangle tongues again, they fall off her face-- right onto his. Her cheeks go bright pink for an entirely different reason, and she sits back.

"Oh... I'm sorry, I forgot-- here let me get those!"

There is so much wrong with the idea of Dave being the smoothest, particularly when he doesn't factor in Feferi's excitable nature. It's not like it's one of her most endearing qualities or anything, nosiree. He's trying so hard to make this as perfect as possible by doing everything right, and really it's hard not to feel like it's going damn well when she's pushing him back. He doesn't resist the movement, he knows a girl is into it when she pushes a guy back like that.

Yup. With a view like that, it's pretty difficult to see the- ow. That sure was his shades smacking him on the forehead. "Jesus." He groans. Not so much because it hurt but god fucking damn he sucks so much at this that life is trying to fuck him over. He gives his forehead a rub like the overdramatic man child he is, letting out a long, grumpy whine. "I'm seeing stars here."

Never missing a chance to complain or make a cheesy pick up line any day.

Nope, that's it. It's all ruined now. She hurt him and everything is ruined. Time for her to pull herself off of him. She at least takes the opportunity to pick up the glasses and put them on the bedside table before she crawls onto the bed, lays herself down, and puts his pillow over her face. At least she's careful this time not to kick him or something else. She just so embarrassed and guilty, and it's an extreme overreaction even for her, but these are special circumstances. Any other day and she would have teased him relentlessly for being a big wiggler, and told him he wasn't hurt, so why does she feel so deeply regretful about it this time? Moreover, why did she have to go and put on the stupid glasses, anyway?

"It's ruined now, isn't it?" Except she still has the pillow over her face, so it comes out somewhat muffled. "I wanted it to be perfect."

Once he's done bitching, Dave is pretty ready for the inevitable barrage of insults that trolls are so well known for. He's used to being a whining guppy or whatever, nothing is ever going to silence his insatiable desire to complain. Except. Maybe. Feferi taking it differently than he'd expected her to.

That said, her reaction is essentially what he's been considering doing ever since he made himself the Jim Belushi of this situation. He can't help letting out the most awkward snort of laughter at her, despite sympathising with the reaction.

"You wanted to mack on me and you though it'd be perfect?" He sounds so sincere in his confusion. "Princess- do you even know who you're dealing with?" He asks, edging up to her until he's as close to her side as he can get without actively going in for a hug. Instead? He's going to poke her side. "C'mon hot stuff, an attitude like that isn't going to get us to the finals."

Though she twists her body away from the poke, she doesn't go very far. She kind of sits there for a moment longer though, before she lifts the pillow from her face and -- with a bit more hesitation -- slips it behind her head. She's just so apologetic when she looks at him, but she's really trying to smile through it.

"I think you're doing great." She gives it some more though. That probably wasn't the smoothest thing to say, but it's true. Even if he's awkward and unsure... maybe she is too. Maybe that makes it okay. Their mutual inexperience just kind of cancels out.

She can be okay with that.

Shifting closer, she holds out her arms, beckoning for any kind of physical contact again. "Okay then. You and me together, we'll go all the way!"

You cannot imagine Dave's surprise when his peptalk seems to have a positive impact on Feferi. Generally they have the opposite effect than he intends them to, particularly when he's speaking to girls. He gives her a thin lipped smile in response to the compliment, but he feels kind of like a preschooler who just attempted his first drawing rather than the casanova he'd hoped to be.

When she holds out her arms, though, he decides he's going to try level up from the gangly idiot who can't even kiss right. He can be smooth, yup, and it feels good to be smooth around Feferi. He just wants to impress her so badly.

He throws a skinny leg over her so he can straddle her now, putting his hands either side of her head and trying to look like the epitome of cool confidence as he smiles down. Only that comment brings back the beet. The beet red. Yup, this is a thing that will continue to happen as he all but gawks at her.

"Do you mean you wanna like...All the way?" He looks a strange mix of a kid on christmas and the kid who forgot his lines whilst playing rudolph in the school play. "Are you sure?" Wow, did he fucking squeak that?

She lets her arms settle loosely around his next, fingers tangling in hair hairs as she gives him a heavy-lidded nod. He's trying so hard to please her and she doesn't even know how to appreciate it properly, except to reciprocate as best as she can. Which isn't all that great; they're on more level ground than either of them really know or acknowledge.

"Like all the way." She nestles down into the bed a little more, warm and cozy underneath him, and coaxes his head down closer to hers, with his hair still curled around her fingers. "I really like you. I mean really... a whole lot, and I want this with you. Because I trust you."

There it is, out on the table. Maybe it doesn't seem like a big deal because Feferi gets along with everyone, and doesn't really seem to distrust anyone inherently. But there's a difference between trusting someone to be a good person, and trusting an intimate partner. Maybe it's just a troll thing, but it means something special to her.

Reciprocation is the highest form of appreciation to the Dave. He likes to know he's going in the right direction without having to be told. He just can't help thinking it took him a damn long time to get to this point.

"Woah." Well damn. That's just about all he can say right now. He is so woefully unprepared for this moment, Bro is probably rolling in his space grave. He lets himself be coaxed closer, letting his forehead press down against hers so she can get a nice good look at his bewildered red eyes. "Ditto." Yup. He's dishing out the eloquence right now.

He's just going to... chill with his face pressed against hers for a second before he gathers the brain power to ask the important questions. "I don't think I ever asked how trolls do the nasty.." He trails off, worrying his bottom lip as he tries to word this as unawkwardly as possible. "What do you even have down there?" The chances of her having a horse dick are too high to risk. So as to save face for that awkward question, he's going to bury his face against her neck and start pressing kisses to it. Okay so maybe he's trying to discreetly hide his face against her neck. Don't judge him.

If he's never thought to ask, neither has she. Between his attention to her neck and her own uncertainty on how to answer, her response isn't very forthcoming. Those kisses feel so good, but now she can't help but wonder the same thing in return. It doesn't escape her imagination that instead of anything normal or useful, he may very well have some kind of gaping toothed maw down there. That's not exactly the most arousing thought, but no amount of positive thinking can really fill in the gaps in her knowledge of human anatomy.

Come to think of it, she really doesn't know that much of male troll anatomy either, beyond the basics.

"The usual, I guess," she finally answers, still very unsure of herself. They were just getting over one awkward hump, it can't be time for another already. She struggles, trying to find a way to rescue this one, trying to keep things moving. "Why don't we find out? I'm pretty sure we can work something out. You sort of saw it already anyway, right?"

It might be scary. It might be gross. But she'll be damned if she doesn't at least try to work something out between them. She's not about to let something like body parts get in the way of this. They have put way more effort than was necessary into getting to this point to let it fall it apart now.

Oh. That's right. He's seen it all. He doesn't....know how he managed to forget that, then again, he was trying his darnedest not to stare. He didn't get such a good look at her downstairs considering her boobs managed to hold his attention before he realised he was being weird.

Yep. She stands in front of him naked and chill and he thinks he's weird for looking. Dave logic.

He pulls his head back so he can make eye contact again. "Yeah, yeah." He seems incredibly enthusiastic about that, and he follows it with a vigorous nod. He's sort of sunk down to the point where he's all but sitting on her, and he's pretty damn comfortable doing that. "I'll show you mine if you show me yours?" He thumbs the edges of his boxers, the last line of defense against the virginity thief. He's...ready. Yeah. He's so good to do this right now, he knows Feferi isn't going to fuck him over, still feels all tingly teen movie and like this is meant to be some big dramatic moment.

That said, he's kind of digging the casual thing they have going here. It's cool. They're cool. Two star crossed lovers who like each others butts and want to try banging. Also one of them is an alien. This could be a movie.

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