shenunigans | Skinny derpin'

Skinny derpin'

It's a good few months into the 'Dave doesn't swim' factor of Feferi and Dave's weird rivalry and Dave is pretty sure Feferi has tried to pull every card she has in an attempt to have him fully submerged. It doesn't work, of course. Dave is as protective of his swimming virginity as a nun is with. Well. Her regular virginity? Whatever. Point is he isn't going for it. In fact, as a form of revenge for her relentless bothering, she may just have found him snacking on her goldfish crackers like what up girl I'm eating your snacks. Needless to say, that didn't go down so well.

But it's whatever, right? It's in the past. Though Dave suspects it may not be over yet when he gets a text from Feferi asking him to bring her a towel at an absurd hour of the morning. He had promised he'd make it up to her for the crackers, so he begrudingly heads out to the pool with her stupid fluffy towel. Fuck nocturnal trolls and fuck stupidly pretty troll royalty who trick you into cutting them the sweet end of the deal. At the very least, he gets to see her in her swimsuit, right? Always a boner.

Bonus.

He thought bonus.

The mental goings on of a teenage boy aside, he's made his way to the pool in reasonable time with the towel over his shoulder and he's going to cup his hand over his mouth so he can loudly announce his entrance. Not that anyone but Feferi is around, given that it's 4am but that's beside the point.

"Yo, princess. There's like a million signs telling you not to forget a towel, could you have picked a lamer way to fuck with me?"

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"I was just hatched this way, I can't help it!"

But no, no kissing yet. She takes the opportunity to re-position herself again, now that she's got enough of a break to do it. Swinging her leg around, she straddles herself across his lap and loops her arm around his neck. Now it can be kissing time again, and kissing time it is as she ducks her head in.

You were hatched pretty damn close to perfect, he thinks, but he can't bring himself to say a line that corny.

"I always forget you guys are hatched." Is what he supplements with, because he is a master of foreplay and other such things. He happily watches as she makes herself comfortable in his lap and he has absolutely no objections to it. He winds his own arms around her waist, and leans up into the kiss.

If the first time was good? The second time is even better. He can appreciate the more subtle aspects of the kiss like the way she tastes and how goddamn soft her lips are. He has no idea how he managed to pull a babe like her but he's not going to let himself fuck it up now. In a daring move, he's going to ease his tongue against her bottom lip and see how it goes down.

It's probably better, she wouldn't even know how to reply to that. Being witty just isn't her game, and she probably would have just laughed some more and blushed a whole lot and been more awkward about it than she cares to admit. Instead she just gets to kiss him again.

His little tongue maneuver is received well; her lips part, inviting more. She wants so bad to return the gesture, but holds back. There have been issues in the past regarding her getting a little overzealous and her teeth making things less than pleasant, so she has to be content to let him take the lead on this one.

Dave has considered the implications of daringly sticking his tongue in her mouth again. He is more than ready for this, hell, he can work it.

He does take the lead, slipping his tongue past her lips and letting it juuuust graze against her chompers. It serves both as a frame of reference so he knows just where he's lurching his mouth meat and as proof that he's tough as fuck. With that out of the way, he's more confident in brushing his tongue against hers, trying to let her know she can be as zealous as she wants.

His hands, in the meantime, are idly searching for hers so he can give them some meaningful squeezes. He doesn't want her to think he's only in it for the booty!!

Possibly not the smoothest move when Feferi is a girl who goes from 0 to 100 in two-point-five seconds. She tries so hard not to, but his tongue brushing against hers, and their fingers lacing together drives her wild. Her tongue pushes against his, and she's ever so mindful of the teeth too, and it only takes a few seconds of that before she pushes him backwards onto the bed. Gently, of course, with her hands still in his, so that she's quiet nearly on all fours, and if she breaks the kiss it's only momentarily thanks to a lack of coordination. It's not like she's practiced for this or anything.

She doesn't bank on her fins failing to hold up his glasses, though, and as she goes back in to tangle tongues again, they fall off her face-- right onto his. Her cheeks go bright pink for an entirely different reason, and she sits back.

"Oh... I'm sorry, I forgot-- here let me get those!"

There is so much wrong with the idea of Dave being the smoothest, particularly when he doesn't factor in Feferi's excitable nature. It's not like it's one of her most endearing qualities or anything, nosiree. He's trying so hard to make this as perfect as possible by doing everything right, and really it's hard not to feel like it's going damn well when she's pushing him back. He doesn't resist the movement, he knows a girl is into it when she pushes a guy back like that.

Yup. With a view like that, it's pretty difficult to see the- ow. That sure was his shades smacking him on the forehead. "Jesus." He groans. Not so much because it hurt but god fucking damn he sucks so much at this that life is trying to fuck him over. He gives his forehead a rub like the overdramatic man child he is, letting out a long, grumpy whine. "I'm seeing stars here."

Never missing a chance to complain or make a cheesy pick up line any day.

Nope, that's it. It's all ruined now. She hurt him and everything is ruined. Time for her to pull herself off of him. She at least takes the opportunity to pick up the glasses and put them on the bedside table before she crawls onto the bed, lays herself down, and puts his pillow over her face. At least she's careful this time not to kick him or something else. She just so embarrassed and guilty, and it's an extreme overreaction even for her, but these are special circumstances. Any other day and she would have teased him relentlessly for being a big wiggler, and told him he wasn't hurt, so why does she feel so deeply regretful about it this time? Moreover, why did she have to go and put on the stupid glasses, anyway?

"It's ruined now, isn't it?" Except she still has the pillow over her face, so it comes out somewhat muffled. "I wanted it to be perfect."

Once he's done bitching, Dave is pretty ready for the inevitable barrage of insults that trolls are so well known for. He's used to being a whining guppy or whatever, nothing is ever going to silence his insatiable desire to complain. Except. Maybe. Feferi taking it differently than he'd expected her to.

That said, her reaction is essentially what he's been considering doing ever since he made himself the Jim Belushi of this situation. He can't help letting out the most awkward snort of laughter at her, despite sympathising with the reaction.

"You wanted to mack on me and you though it'd be perfect?" He sounds so sincere in his confusion. "Princess- do you even know who you're dealing with?" He asks, edging up to her until he's as close to her side as he can get without actively going in for a hug. Instead? He's going to poke her side. "C'mon hot stuff, an attitude like that isn't going to get us to the finals."

Though she twists her body away from the poke, she doesn't go very far. She kind of sits there for a moment longer though, before she lifts the pillow from her face and -- with a bit more hesitation -- slips it behind her head. She's just so apologetic when she looks at him, but she's really trying to smile through it.

"I think you're doing great." She gives it some more though. That probably wasn't the smoothest thing to say, but it's true. Even if he's awkward and unsure... maybe she is too. Maybe that makes it okay. Their mutual inexperience just kind of cancels out.

She can be okay with that.

Shifting closer, she holds out her arms, beckoning for any kind of physical contact again. "Okay then. You and me together, we'll go all the way!"

You cannot imagine Dave's surprise when his peptalk seems to have a positive impact on Feferi. Generally they have the opposite effect than he intends them to, particularly when he's speaking to girls. He gives her a thin lipped smile in response to the compliment, but he feels kind of like a preschooler who just attempted his first drawing rather than the casanova he'd hoped to be.

When she holds out her arms, though, he decides he's going to try level up from the gangly idiot who can't even kiss right. He can be smooth, yup, and it feels good to be smooth around Feferi. He just wants to impress her so badly.

He throws a skinny leg over her so he can straddle her now, putting his hands either side of her head and trying to look like the epitome of cool confidence as he smiles down. Only that comment brings back the beet. The beet red. Yup, this is a thing that will continue to happen as he all but gawks at her.

"Do you mean you wanna like...All the way?" He looks a strange mix of a kid on christmas and the kid who forgot his lines whilst playing rudolph in the school play. "Are you sure?" Wow, did he fucking squeak that?

She lets her arms settle loosely around his next, fingers tangling in hair hairs as she gives him a heavy-lidded nod. He's trying so hard to please her and she doesn't even know how to appreciate it properly, except to reciprocate as best as she can. Which isn't all that great; they're on more level ground than either of them really know or acknowledge.

"Like all the way." She nestles down into the bed a little more, warm and cozy underneath him, and coaxes his head down closer to hers, with his hair still curled around her fingers. "I really like you. I mean really... a whole lot, and I want this with you. Because I trust you."

There it is, out on the table. Maybe it doesn't seem like a big deal because Feferi gets along with everyone, and doesn't really seem to distrust anyone inherently. But there's a difference between trusting someone to be a good person, and trusting an intimate partner. Maybe it's just a troll thing, but it means something special to her.

Reciprocation is the highest form of appreciation to the Dave. He likes to know he's going in the right direction without having to be told. He just can't help thinking it took him a damn long time to get to this point.

"Woah." Well damn. That's just about all he can say right now. He is so woefully unprepared for this moment, Bro is probably rolling in his space grave. He lets himself be coaxed closer, letting his forehead press down against hers so she can get a nice good look at his bewildered red eyes. "Ditto." Yup. He's dishing out the eloquence right now.

He's just going to... chill with his face pressed against hers for a second before he gathers the brain power to ask the important questions. "I don't think I ever asked how trolls do the nasty.." He trails off, worrying his bottom lip as he tries to word this as unawkwardly as possible. "What do you even have down there?" The chances of her having a horse dick are too high to risk. So as to save face for that awkward question, he's going to bury his face against her neck and start pressing kisses to it. Okay so maybe he's trying to discreetly hide his face against her neck. Don't judge him.

If he's never thought to ask, neither has she. Between his attention to her neck and her own uncertainty on how to answer, her response isn't very forthcoming. Those kisses feel so good, but now she can't help but wonder the same thing in return. It doesn't escape her imagination that instead of anything normal or useful, he may very well have some kind of gaping toothed maw down there. That's not exactly the most arousing thought, but no amount of positive thinking can really fill in the gaps in her knowledge of human anatomy.

Come to think of it, she really doesn't know that much of male troll anatomy either, beyond the basics.

"The usual, I guess," she finally answers, still very unsure of herself. They were just getting over one awkward hump, it can't be time for another already. She struggles, trying to find a way to rescue this one, trying to keep things moving. "Why don't we find out? I'm pretty sure we can work something out. You sort of saw it already anyway, right?"

It might be scary. It might be gross. But she'll be damned if she doesn't at least try to work something out between them. She's not about to let something like body parts get in the way of this. They have put way more effort than was necessary into getting to this point to let it fall it apart now.

Oh. That's right. He's seen it all. He doesn't....know how he managed to forget that, then again, he was trying his darnedest not to stare. He didn't get such a good look at her downstairs considering her boobs managed to hold his attention before he realised he was being weird.

Yep. She stands in front of him naked and chill and he thinks he's weird for looking. Dave logic.

He pulls his head back so he can make eye contact again. "Yeah, yeah." He seems incredibly enthusiastic about that, and he follows it with a vigorous nod. He's sort of sunk down to the point where he's all but sitting on her, and he's pretty damn comfortable doing that. "I'll show you mine if you show me yours?" He thumbs the edges of his boxers, the last line of defense against the virginity thief. He's...ready. Yeah. He's so good to do this right now, he knows Feferi isn't going to fuck him over, still feels all tingly teen movie and like this is meant to be some big dramatic moment.

That said, he's kind of digging the casual thing they have going here. It's cool. They're cool. Two star crossed lovers who like each others butts and want to try banging. Also one of them is an alien. This could be a movie.

At least he knows she doesn't have a giant horsecock, and she doesn't have to reassure him of that. Because she would have, if she'd known the option was on the table at any point.

"Just like that," she affirms with a nod, her smile just sort of disconcertingly enthusiastic. She can't help it if she's excited, this is exciting, of course she's going to be excited. "Wait. Do you want to help me get my shirt off first?"

She is, lucky for her, woefully unaware of how tacky that sounds, like something out of a bad porno. But she's actually serious, just for this one moment. From her position, even with her hair braided, shirt remove becomes a task unto itself between the horns and the hair. She's not even trying to be coy about it.

"Is that even a question?" He's not even going to hide how eager he is to help her out with that issue. He smiles a little wider, slinking his hand up her shirt so he can tease the skin underneath, rolling it upward as he goes.

Of course, he hesitates a little as he gets to the moneymakers, but his eagerness urges him to proceed with the action. Yep. He can do this. He can release the krakens. He just...can't look right now. Whatever, he'll be romantic. He'll make eye contact as he slides her shirt up, muttering to himself as he maneuvers around the vast amounts of hair and horns.

By the end of it, he's pretty frustrated with the shirt, enough to toss it off to the side. Additionally, he's definitely starting to feel the heat here. Everything he does is making this situation more real, it's like he's on the one way track to bonerville.

Finally, he's going to half smile at Feferi and allow himself a look down at her chest.

Thankfully, having braided her hair helps. She shifts and arches her back and wiggles around to help him out in the process, and gets just as frustrated with the difficult process of shirt removal as he does. She's glad to see it gone. Hopefully he doesn't mind intense eye contact though; given half the chance, she will stare right back at him.

When he doesn't move in for the boob grab right away... well, she is a little disappointed, but it's touching. Maybe he's trying to be polite, or he's still too nervous. She is too, but naturally adventurous, and deciding that maybe an ice breaker is needed, she reaches up between them and gropes his chest, for however little there is to grope.

"Sorry they're not as nice as yours." She feigns apology, trying not to laugh. "Not everyone can be as voluptuous as you are!"

Edited (NOTIF!!!!) 2013-11-09 04:10 (UTC)

It's a little of both, really. Dave doesn't know proper boob etiquette. For once, movies don't seem like a particularly good frame of reference for this sort of thing. Then again, it's pretty fucking stupid to think Feferi wouldn't be into something as debonair and romantic as an impulsive boob grab.

Only it seems kind of weird. Does he just grab and squeeze? That seems kind of fucked up to him. Like yo I like your chest things, so soft. Let me squeeze them.

He sort of tries to arch away as she grabs his chest, sputtering as he resists the urge to laugh. God, this is goofiest X rated comedy ever fucking made.

"Alright, alright. I get the point." He scoffs at her, sliding a hand up to cup one of her breasts. This is it, this is the big moment. He gives it a soft squeeze and god he knows why people like doing this. So soft. So fucking soft. He's just going to move his hands so he can cup both before taking the plunge and burying his face between them. "Has anyone ever told you that you're fucking perfect?" He says so romantically with his face smothered between her breasts.

"No, you would be the first!" She's still trying not to laugh too much, especially because he's inadvertently tickling her. Instead she just shifts herself subtly and says nothing of it. "You can squeeze harder, you know. I'll tell you if I want you to stop."

He is, in fact, the most romantic, but from her current vantage point there is not much she get do, except to stroke his hair, flat-palmed like she was petting a cat or dog. She too is a master of romance and all things sexy.

"You're shitting me." He puts things so eloquently, doesn't he? He sounds a hell of a lot like he's sucking up right now, but it's genuine. Surprisingly enough. He doesn't really need to give her asspats when she's got her boobs in his hands.

A brow raises at the request, shifting so his chin is resting on her chest. "Do girls, uh, like it when guys do that?" There's no way that question wouldn't be awkward. "Guess I figured it was for the guys or something." You fool. But whatever, he's gonna scoot up again, inadvertently rubbing his boner up against her as he does. He feels like he should be embarrassed, but damn it feels good. He thinks he can figure this sex thing out already.

As a test, he's going to do both of these highly complicated moves at once. He grinds his hips down against her hips, squeezing her breasts with a little more gusto this time. Yep. This is definitely the sex.

"I don't know about all girls, but I sure do!" She doesn't even have time to demonstrate before he's already going at it, and she's more than expressive of how much she enjoys it-- her muscles tense, she bites her lip, and she raises her hips to meet his.

"Just like that." Letting herself relax a little, she fixes him with a very serious stare. "I think it works better if you take off the underwear though."

Not that she's in any real sort of rush. She could let him play with her boobs all night if he was really into it. But his teasing is too much and she lacks the finesse and self-control to try and hold herself back, to be the one to draw things out.

"It's a good thing you're a fish because I'm totally not objectifying you when I call you a catch." And you can't argue with that goofy grin he gives her for that amazing line. Totally nailed it, she won't get up and never sleep with him ever for that shitty joke.

It's nice seeing that his attempts at being sexy are landing well, god the face she makes is making him feel unbearably turned on. A hand cannot begin to emulate the sensation of knowing you're turning someone on. Someone so fucking gorgeous and fun. He doesn't know what the fuck he did to get this lucky.

"Right.." He murmurs, pulling his hands away from her breasts to slide down to the hem of her panties. "You distracted me- that's on you." But now he's found something else to try out. Instead of just ripping her panties off, he's going to tease. He slips his hand downward so he can rub his fingers over her folds through the panties. It's half out his own curiosity and half because he imagines chicks dig that.

That does get a giggle out of her. Okay, so it's not a proper fish pun if you call it out first, but she mentally ticks off a half a point for him, for the effort. She watches him curiously as he moves, trying to anticipate his next move. It seems straight forward enough to her, but he decides to take a different approach, apparently.

If he was trying to make her squirm, he's succeeded. There's an effort on her part not to flail too much and hurt him, but she does grab at the nearest surface and lets loose a little glub. Part of it is just the surprise, but the other part is just how good it feels.

"Hey," she whines, and she gives him an exceedingly fake pout when she pushes herself up on her elbows to look at him, though she doesn't tell him to stop. She is all for experimenting, and she knows he's teasing her, but what's the point of that if she just goes along with it?

The positive reaction had been what he was looking for, so he might just rub a little harder. He's not being rough, just much less tentative now that he knows it's something she likes. Ah yes, Dave you are the master of pussy game. Of course, even the master is apparently a little perplexed by the wetness. Pull yourself together, Young Master Dave, it's a good thing. That's like basic...sex knowledge? What's the cool term for that. Who cares.

He quirks a brow when she speaks up, briefly worrying he'd done something wrong or she'd caught the vibe that he's inwardly nerding out. When the fact that she's teasing hits him, he can't help chuckling in response. He gives her a brief, lopsided smile and takes it as a sign of encouragement, even if she's whining.

"Hey what." He retorts ever so casually, slipping his fingers past the leg hem of her panties so he can again, tentatively press his fingers inward. It's not the weirdest thing he's ever done, obviously, but there's something to be said about fingering the folds of an alien's vagina.

Either he's smarter about this than she thought he was going to be, or (more likely) he's just incredibly lucky, and maybe perceptive. Not that it takes a genius to figure out how to put his hand between a girl's legs, but his fingers sliding over her clit sets her skin tingling. Not just that, but his hands are warm. It's almost embarrassing with how much it distracts her, so that there's a good several seconds of pause before she gets her thoughts back in order to respond.

"Hey," she repeats with more mock-indignation, just for emphasis, "it is not fair if I don't get to touch, too. Move up a little, I want to touch!"

She reaches out, making grabby hands in the general vicinity of his boner, just to illustrate that her arms are just this side of too stubby. He's got the upper hand (hah.) on her and she just can't settle for that, and her curiosity is starting to pique. She knows his underwear aren't doing either of them any favors, either, and she always has been a go-getter. Damn it Dave, she just wants that D.

Skinny derpin'

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